Co-regulation is the process by which a calm, caring adult helps a baby or young child settle strong feelings through their voice, touch and presence. It comes before self-regulation: children learn to calm themselves by being calmed many times by others.
Key takeaways
- Babies cannot calm big feelings on their own yet.
- Your calm state helps your child's body settle.
- Co-regulation gradually builds into self-regulation in the preschool years.
What you can do
- Notice and name the feeling: "You're upset because the tower fell."
- Use a slow, low voice, gentle touch and rocking.
- Look after your own calm first; take a breath before responding.
Frequently asked questions
Helping a child calm down is different from giving in; you can hold a limit and still offer comfort.